I wish I was a creative.

As far back as I can remember  (since I realized I couldn’t be Indiana Jones) I have wanted to be  A Creative! (said just liked that). I have spent some time coming to terms with the fact that not enough people want to pay me for what I do.

I like to create, but I have trouble sustaining my own enthusiasm in a project. Enter the internet, an endless well of helpful creatives spanning the spectrum from pro to homebrew….. yeah not so much. I see people post a question like “Pigs or snails, who would make the best wizards?” and get a hundred insightful, interesting  comments. If I provide a link to something I am working on asking what people think I get one comment along the lines of “That’s interesting.” Then, seconds later, in the next person in my streams post (about the effective range of troll snot or something), the same person types a page worth of serious text, breaking it down.

WTF internet?

Okay, so I am forced to conclude that I am just not interesting. Got it, and moving on.

I work well with a partner who can give feedback, I have trouble finding one. Well, at least one who will contribute. I have had people offer to help me who then never do. It’s disheartening really.  I have trouble being a fan of something, especially of my own work. I wish I was a FAN of something like I see others being. The thrill, the excitement, the sweaty hands and flushed faces of FANS! I am jealous,,, I don’t think I ever got that excited about anything.

It also seems that I am interested in nothing similar to anything people in my RPG feeds are into. I like a balanced approach to gaming, yet I see most of my G+ folks are “Old School” players. When I got into gaming a lot the term Old School was used with disdain, younger gamers seemed to be going with the newer games of the time, Vampire mostly.

Okay invisible phantoms of the digital planes, that’s it. Just a few thoughts from my fractured brainmeats this wee hour. Peace.



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