This is the first tale of a man I will call player X. Now some of you have gamed with me over the years who wander in and read this will figure out pretty quick who player X (or, as I will refer to him from now on, X) is. Let’s not spoil the anonymity shall we? Good.
I had taken a big break from gaming beofre being introduced to a guy whom I shall call Mr.T (mostly because it amuses me). In short he funded the purchase of the AD&D 2E core books and I ran games for him and the guy who introduced us for awhile before it was decided that we needed some more players.
At a short lived FLGS (friendly local gaming store) someone had posted on the bulletin board their name and number. someone called that number, and so X joined our play.
X played Elves, almost exclusively. When I say Elves I mean the most obnoxiously stereotypical Elves you can imagine. Take the general, haughty, nature loving description and take it to the most obnoxious min-maxing level. Min-maxing….Ohhhh yeah. His characters have pets you see, and they get an attack. He worships all the proper Elven gods with all the proper fervor. Elves get bow bonuses so thats what he had. He optimized his characters back story to make him sound as awesome as possible. It was during the discovery of these flaws that somehow my group grew to eleven players.
He did not take it well when his characters failed or got dead. eventually he branched out and tried some other non-standard monstrous races. One character of this type is memorable because his death was vastly deserved, player reaction…legendary. possibly the last time for a long time that I gamed with him.
X played a minotaur who was a bit of a bully (pun intended), he rolled monstrous strength took everything possible to make this character as tough and as bad ass as possible in true munchkin style. There was almost no Character involved with this character. As with elves he took stereotypes to extremes with one exception. Owing to the fact he played Elves so much (I assume here) he carried Elven prejudice in his real life. Another player who I shall call player G1 was playing a Half Orc Thief. We all know Elves hate Orcs….right?
Player G1 threw daggers. Poisoned daggers. I also presume that player G1 had enough of X’s crap. (the character may have even been made to antagonize the clueless X) so the 1/2 Orc and the Minotaur get into an insult contest over something. A battle of wits ensues for which X is sadly underarmed, the final insult hurled at the Minotaur was, “Go milk your mother!”
X goes into a rage and attacks our witty half Orc thief, X brings it with all of his monstrous might and thunders towards G1…G1 checks range and throws three poisoned daggers, each one striking its target at least one of the die rolls was a critical success. X has to make three saving throws versus poison, he fails, character drops dead at the feet of his foe.
X gets very silent. His face turns red, his eyes are watery. Very choked up, he excuses himself from the table while saying how much he liked that character. He looked angry enough to kill all of us.
What has any of this have to do with handguns?
Nothing yet, this is a build up so you gentle reader can understand why exactly the title of this post has formed my opinion of characters. The last thing to impart to you before I finish part one is that player X did eventually open his own FLGS. I did game with him again off and on, and went through many “characters” of his before arriving at the statement that almost made me throw him through the window of his own store. During all these times I tried subtly to get him to add depth to his characters, and succeeded to a small degree.
But that is a story for another day.
As I said there wasn’t anything to the character but muscle…no background, no personality…nothing but player X in a minotaur shell.